I went to the movie Toy Story 3 today. It was as good or better than the last two. The theme of this story was that Andy was going to college and wasn't going to be around to play with his toys any longer. Actually he had them stored in a treasure chest in his room. He put Woody the Cowboy in the box he reserved for his college room nick nacks and put the rest of the toys in a box to be stored in the attic. Well the attic stuff got accidently taken to the curb with the garbage by Andy's mother and the show was on.
Woody was the only toy kept by this young man going to college. Woody rescued the rest of the toys from the curb-side trash. As the story moved on, there were twists and turns that resulted in all the toys ending up in the possession of a little girl. Andy dropped them off and visited with the girl about how important the toys were to him. He had the most dificult time parting with Woody, but upon the girl's promise that she would take good care of him, handed him over.
There is a time to move on; a time to put away childish things. Relationally speaking, those of us who have depession-anxiety have care-takers. We may have those individuals in our lives who almost baby us. They make sure we are well taken care of and try to shield us from the difficult situations and cirsumstances of life. These people are precious, faithful, and in some cases wonderful to us. In other cases they are controlling, on again, off again (flaky), and horrible for our healing.
Moving on means taking some time to sort who stays with us, and who we need to "kick to the curb". This is the most important assignment we have as we move toward healing from our disorders.
We need to take some time to discern: Who are those precious souls that build our faith and self-concept; and who are those from whom we need to move on?" I know I've spent a lot of time and energy talking about our boundaries (how close to get to others). This is very important work. At times we may find certain individuals from either catagory from whom we need to move on.
The point is we have different boundaries with different people. Some we trust with our lives and our deepest, darkest, secrets. Most we trust to a lesser extent. When we're in recovery from depression-anxiety, we need to occasionally look at our "support team" and those who wish to be part of it. We, from time to time, will need to begin limiting our time with certain people because we've outgrown them. The key test of a person you need to "drop like a bad habit" is that you feel worse when you're in their presence. They just plain bring you down. They may try to control you, and you leave them feeling worse than when you began the conversation.
When we move on we do so carefully and methodically. We consider if we are progressing in our healing and who enhances our recovery. We also consider those who bring us down. Like I've said before, the first group is made up of assets. The second group is just half of that" (From my Old Pappy).
We need to take care of yourself
1) whom should I trust enough to let into my life?
2) how far should I let each one of them in?
3) whom should I now begin to move away (to move on)?
Moving on is a natural part of recovery and life in general. We need to learn how to limit our time with certain people and even stop seeing certain people because they are toxic to our lives. We have the resources within to discern this. We have the raw strength within us to recover. We need to surround ourselves with healthy people and continue to use the helpful techniques we have been talking about in this group of blogs.
Like Andy in Toy Story 3, our life and experience of our circumstances presents us with opportunities to move on into deeper and deeper recovery. Value those who support you, move away from those who don't support you because they are probably willing but are genuinely not able to do so. Such a person can be a parent or a friend but they are unable to understand the seriousness of your disorder. They are not good for you!
Take care of yourself. While many people in our lives may be willing and even voice willingness to support us they may not have the skills to do so. Some do and some don't. Keep those that do close to you. Keep those who don't at an emotional distance. It is a process we go through in which we learn what is the best for us, and what isn't.
This special discernment can move us forward to the "college of recovery"; taking those who are valuable with us and leaving those who are unable to truly support us behind, at least emotionally.
This sounds cold and even harsh. However, It echos the question of Jesus to the diabled man by the Pool of Saloam, "do you want to get well?" Taking this kind of action in our lives demonstrates that we really want to get well . . . and learn to heal from depresion-anxiety.
Typos and all ... God bless you.