Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Mental Life (7)

As my depression continues to rear its ugly head, so does the list of my affirmations.
A couple of examples;
"The Our Father" (Lord's Prayer)

Abba I belong to you
Jesus I belong to you
Spirit I belong to you

Oh Lord. grant me love to overcome the lack of love I have for myself
Grant me joy to replace depression
Grant me peace to counteract anxiety
Grant me hope to overcome despair

Psalm 23 (The Lord is my shepherd)

and others...

These help sometimes and grant me grace from God.

I'll continue to use them as long as I feel any relief. This has been a dark couple of days but there have been times of light I which I have rejoiced. Its never ALL dark. God is always with me; coming with light and love.

I hope in the power of the lord and the prayers of my support team. Thank you.

God Bless You All!

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Mental Life (5)

The past 7 days have been especially difficult for me. Anxiety and oppressive thinking have been my lot. I don't know what brought this on. It feels like one year or so when I was barely making it day by day. I took a walk yesterday, as I did then and all the feelings returned. I found myself quoting my affirmations as I did then.

My Psychologist and I discussed obsessive thinking and how it keeps me hanging on to anxiety producing thoughts far longer than I was doing just a short month ago. I'm not saying I've completely back-slidden... I haven't. This is a reminder that I have to return to those skills and practices that brought me health and some semblance of wellbeing. How did I forget and neglect these basics? I thought I was progressing far faster than I really am. I guess this is normal or at least wishful thinking. What I've learned this that the need to stay with the basics never leaves... one only neglects them ... to their peril. I'm sorry if this seems overly dramatic. It is not my M.O., just a realistic account of what is happening with me.

I ask for the prayers of all my friends that I may move through this in a life-giving way.

God bless you all...

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Mental Life (4)

Today is a good day so far outside of some car trouble. Janet is back to work and
recovering from some virus she has had for several days. My depression comes and goes sometimes intense other times more mild. Most of the time it just has a mind of its own, sometimes it follows events in my life that hold fear or disappointment. Anxious feelings seem to follow the same pattern. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get any better, but I am holding out hope for my sake and the sake of my family.

I appreciate all your prayers and positive thoughts. Thank you so much. I hope one day to be able to return to work. Is it my long term goal.

God be with you and yours.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Mental Life (3)

This has been a week of ups and downs. The downs were the usual ones; DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. Some days I thought the depression was taking more and more charge of my life. I absolutely hate this. Thankfully this was short lived. Sometimes it feels like three steps forward and two steps back. Admittedly, that s still progress, but not as much as I expected by this time.

I had a great Spring Break with my children and grandchildren. I greatly aided my mood. I love those little grandchildren: Flanny, Canon, Phoenix, and Loreli. We missed out seeing Blake on the trip. They have an honesty that is so revealing and sometimes shocking.

I got to stay a couple nights extra with Erin and her family. Being so close to the ocean with such a panoramic view of the Seaside area was beautiful and calming.

God be with You.

Now, back home I have entered a more active life with walks with the dog ands workouts at the gym on a regular basis. I fine this physical exertion to be helpful in combating both depression and anxiety.