Friday used to be my favorite day ... when I was working. Now it kind of varies. The outstanding thing about today is that I went to the gym this morning. I was able to stay for about an hour. My anxiety was serious, but I went anyway. I haven't darkened the door of the gym since January. In fact because of financial reasons I had cancelled my membership.
A good friend, about a week ago or so, asked me if he could buy me a one year membership to a gym. He planned to pay this in advance. We went to the gym yesterday and he pulled out his check book and wrote a check so I could make my return,
I know how important exercise is to one with depression-anxiety. I have been walking for exercise, but my full body exercise had dropped by the wayside. I went and did sort of a circuit training: 3/4 mile on the tread mill, chest, back, bicepts, tricepts, and legs.
I can't tell you how gratified I was to have been able to spend an hour at the gym. It was a great accomplishment for me. I do not like crowds and being around people I dont know. That is what has been keeping me away. Today I forced myself. I prepared my gym bag last evening and when the boys left for the bus, I left... driving ... slowly. Upon arrival I sat in my car for a few minutes before going in. This was the gym I used to go to. There was a different person at the front desk. Aa I looked across the gym floor I found my way to the locker room and prepared to return to the floor. I went up the stairs and mounted the tread mill, set my time and speed and walked; watching the T.V. before me. (Don't be concerned, I'm not going to take you through my whole workout.) After the treadmill I walked down the stairs and saw a familiar face. It was Julie and her husband who used to work out at 24 Hour Fitness when I went there. It brought me some comfort and my anxiety lifted slightly as I continued my workout.
To some of you this may sound rediculous. Its a gym for God's sake. I could almost hear it in my head. Those of you who suffer from depression-anxiety know what I'm talking about. Some of the simplest things are very difficult. I've been a gym rat since I was about 19 years old. I love the gym, but today was a victory.
I think its important to take care of ourselves and I also feel its important to make some stretches for our own good, This is what I did today. I'm sure it will get easier as time goes on. There is probably something in your life you need to do for your own good, but cannot. I'm not judging you. I understand. Let me encourage you to take a baby step and do that thing; or part of it. I need to let you know how happy I am that I was able to go to the gym. It was a giant step forward to go. Altough my anxiety returned and gave me difficulty when I got home, I do not regret what I did. I am planning to try again Monday (and succeed).
So, if you are in the place where you think you might be able to handle something in your life that is healthy, and you have not done this since your depression-anxiety came on with a vengence... just do it... or part of it. It feels so good.
Typos and all ... God bless you