Sunday, October 31, 2010

Have you gone Mental? (LIX)

Depression has been my lot the past couple of days. This time it went deep ... dark thoughts. I was feeling like a loser. I have been hopeless and helpless, or so it seems. I had 8 hours of sleep last night after finishing my evening reading "A little book on prayer" Brenda and Jim. My sleep was pretty peaceful, except for a weird dream or two.

Has depression ever hit you like that? Has the darkness of your thinking ever said, "I don't want to do this anymore?" Well Im afraid that's what its been like, even on the Lord's day. I did something I love when I took my son out to breaakfast this morning, it felt good to be out, pretending I had ther money to do it. Then guilt set in.

Church gave me a lot of encouragement this morning. Singing and listening to my Pastor was good for me. I talked to Janet for a bit (she is still in Colfax visiting our new grandchild and helping Beth with her two little boys and the baby. It was hard for her to focus, but I knew (and had agreed)her helping there was paramount and there was no good place for her to talk. She gave some encouraging words, and once again I was encouraged.

I am now home. Kind of numb. Depression is underlying. Football is on thanks to Jeffrey. It gets monotonous after a while but it is mindless enough and rarely distracts me, so I will set about to finish that little book. Considering I have my class tonight at church I'll make it through again and hopefully spiritually strive.

Oh Lord, protect me from those "darkest of thoughts."

Typos and all ... God bless you.

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