Just to follow up on the blog from a couple days ago, we attended the session of Bankruptcy Court on Wednesday and all turned out well. After this, I received an articulate and compassionate comment on my Bankruptcy blog from my daughters friend Crystal. It was written to Erin but she passed it on and it mightily lifted my spirits out of the shame I was feeling about filing for bankrupcy. God loves me and He loves us no matter what we do; even if we go bankrupt. Thank you Chrystal.
Tonight I have been thinking about the counseling session I had today. My Psychologist asked me, "What does it look like to be well?" I described it in the most shallow way possible in terms of the absence of debilitating depression and anxiety. She challenged me to think about this question in terms of not only what it looks like, but what reponsibility it would involve if I was healed.
These concepts bring to mind a story from the life of Jesus. Jesus is passing by the Pool at Bethsaida. A man sat there who had come to the pool over several years. The legend was that from time to time angels would stir the waters and whoever got into pool first would receive healing from their particular infirmity.
Jesus asked him a poignant question. "Do you want to be healed?" The man explained that he was not fast enough to get into the pool first to receive his healing when the angels stirred the water. Upon this explanation, Jesus healed him on the spot.
Those of us who have depression-anxiety should ask ourselves, "Do I want to be healed?" Healing would bring about taking responsibility for our lives when we got well. It would involve Re-entering the world, re-entering the job market, and work toward healthy living for body, soul, and spirit. Does that sound good? To me it does.
I have "always" worked. I love to work. I have "always" been involved in community service in this world of ours. I love community service. I have "always" believed in healthy living for body, soul, and spirit. I am seeking this even now! I believe I want to be healed. The question remains, what does healing look like.
Healing looks like exuding Love, Joy, Peace, Faith, and Hope that so fills our lives that it overflows. Healing looks like seeking work and being a productive member of society and a contributor to the financial situation at home. Healing looks like a move from self-interest to "other interest"; serving others. Does this sound scary?
Does this sound like you could begin a new "healed" life today? ... Me neither. Speaking for myself: Is the desire there? Absolutely! Is the potantial there? Yes! Is the current ability there? No!
I want to be healed. I want to work with the enthusiasm I used to. I want to serve my community the way I used to. I want to develop the fruit of the Holy Spirit in my life in the form of Love, Joy, Peace, Faith, and Hope. I want to be enthusiastic about life once again and be able to play with my children and grandchildren with energy and a sense of "wreckless abandon". I want to be healed.
Think about this question: What does healing look like for you? Do you want to be
healed? It can be pretty easy to really not want to be healed. In a state of mental illness we get cut a lot of slack. We are handled with "kid gloves". Many of us cannot work and are not expeted to. Many of us feel gratified by our disorders. These provide us, as adults, what several of us lacked in our childhoods: love, sympathy and caring treatment. However, let's in the present.
Do you want to be healed? Dump out your bag of tricks. Do they have the potential to bring about healing? Add some difficult things. Add prayer, exercise, meditation, journaling, and accountability to another person. Read spirtual/inspirational literature as well as books and internet articles about your particular disorders. In other words LEARN! I know you don't feel like it, because I don't. I fight with myself everyday to do these things. This blog is my online journal of sorts that helps me to no end and, as I've learned, ministers to others who are dealing with the same disorders I am.
So please contemplate these two questions with me:
1. What does healing look like for me?
2. Do I really want to be healed?
Typos and all, let's heal together ... God bless you!