Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Have you gone mental (X)

Tremendous Labor Day weekend. My family spent the weekend at the Cannon Beach Christian Conference Center. We enjoyed, spiritual teaching, music and good fellowship. My daughter and son-in-law made it possible (financially)for us to attend. It was very uplifting. I almost felt normal for a few days. My mind was so occupied with the program my depression and anxiety abated for hours at a time... not so when I awakened (today) Tuesday morning.

Whether it was "let down" or a low day, today has been the most difficult day I've spent in weeks. Maybe you've had such days when nothing could bring you up, when the clouds drop to their lowest level accompanied by a sense of dread. This was such a day. I just haven't been able to pull myself up ... to rise to a level of function even equal to my state a month ago.

I am trusting things will get better. My medical regimen hasn't touched my mood today. Medication is not the answer, but I have hoped it would comprise at least part of it.

This feels much more like last February than the past weekend. Dark thoughts, hopeless, helpless, suicidal thoughts. No plan. No lethality. Just feelings, frightening feelings that visit me every so often. I hate them. Just like those of you who have experienced them.

I'm sorry for your pain.

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