Saturday, September 18, 2010

Have you gone Mental (XX)

This morning was odd. I awakened with tremendous anxiety. I always wake up with a degree of anxiety, but this rivaled any anxiety I have had since last December. I began pulling intrventions from my bag of tricks (deep breathing, cleaning up a bit to distract myself, and going over some attribution in my head)...not a dent.

I decided to go for a 1/2 hour prayer walk. I just began having a conversation with Jesus; just like he was walking beside me. I then turned to stating positive afirmations that came to mind. Following that I began chanting my mantra (if you will) "Love, joy, peace faith, hope). To bring the walk to a close I began quoting the Christian Scriptures I could recall.

I turned into my drive way having had a nice walk with Jesus and filling my mind with positive statements. I had some residual anxiety, but this level is what I"m used to...underlying anxiety that haunts me like the ghost it is. I count myself blessed as I occasioally keep it at bay, well atleast partially.

My point is that we all need a "bag of tricks". We all need to be able to open the "bag" and pull out the "tricks" that are designed to help us in our time of particular need. In other words, there is little use in using a method that does not specifically address the difficulty we are going through. The interventon must be aimed sriaght and true to the overwhelming feeling we are having.

I got home and did some laundry. There is a book written from a Buddist perspective, I think, entitled "After the Ecstasy the Laundry". What I was experiencing was "After the Anxiety the Laundry... and the depression. I sat in a comfortable chair and ate breakfast as the depression set in. As I write this morning in this depressed state it is like journaling for me. I again take stock of words of Jesus "Have faith in God."

I took to caring for my wife (when she awakened) who has a serious back problem and has had for the past several days. It has been recurrent over several months. We have no insurance so she is taking ibuprophen and taking (sparingly) some Muscle relaxants the doctor prescribed in July when we were blessed by having insurance.

As I shared my "journey" of the past two hours she was glad I used my bag of tricks to its greatest advantage. I am still working on Jesus' words "Have faith in God" as I mentioned earlier. If things continue as usual, the depression will reduce as anxiety lies in wait. This just how it works for me and I accept the way it is, although I don't like it one little bit.

I apologize for a quite negative entry, but the fact is, for you and me, the good and the bad of mixed anxiety and depression is a reality with which many of us deal daily.

God bless you... typos and all.

1 comment:

  1. I love that you chose to open your bag of tricks. I love you.