Monday, September 13, 2010

Have you gone mental (XIV)

It'S 3:50 AM. Its Monday morning. The newspaper carrier just tossed the paper on my front porch . . . she is supposed to be awake at this time. I ask myself, "But why me?"

I'm not seeking sympathy here, I've been curious. As I began to read about this, I find it is normal for those suffering from co-morbid depression and anxiety... GREAT! I wake up each and every morning in full fledged anxiety. I have nothing in mind this morning for instance. I awakened as if anxiety in its infinite wisdom decided to set its "attack" in motion. I think this may be called "General Anxiety". As I've said before, my anxiety seems to have a mind of its own. I do not awaken worrying about our financial condition, which has become tenuous at best. I awaken being overwhelmed by anxiety with "nothing" in mind.

I know there are others awake right now across the Pacific Time Zone (and beyond).
Some have problems with insomnia. I have not been an insomniac. Many awaken worrying about a number of things in their life situations, such as finances, relationships, etc.

At this time my chest is tight, my breathing is changing and my heart rated is accelerated. If the pattern holds true, as it has for years now, depression will join in, in about 3-4 hours after I've medicated for anxiety and depression; about 5:45. It seems that medication makes no difference. I believe this is NOT true. In fact I wonder what state I'd be in if I did not use medication.

So I carry on. Using prescibed medication and everything in my "bag of tricks" to combat my anxiety-depression which I, and many of you, live day in and day out.
Each night my Mother (who lives in our home) comes in from her attached apartment to say goodnight. She always says "have a good sleep". I tell her in my best comic voice, "Thats my intention! I'm sure it is for all ofus.

Its 4:33 and I'm going to go back to bed, do some deep breathing and pray. I need to get up at 5:45. Maybe, being very tired I'll get that hour.

Good night (morning). Have a good sleep.

God bless you.

No comments:

Post a Comment