Today through Sunday night is a new thing for me; a test of sorts. Janet left this morning for a four day personal vacation. She had tickets for a flight for which she already paid. She stayed home with me in the early days of my illness missing her vacation with her sister and a friend.
It may sound rediculous, but these are my first nights "alone" for over a year. I have been apprehensive the last week before her departure, but saw her off at the airport and did just fine. I am experiencing some mild anxiety and it is managable.
Its amazing how used we get to things/people and end up taking them for granted. I am guilty...
Erin is coming over from her home at the beach this Friday. I guess this will end my
"alone" time. Jeffrey and Andy are also home but are usually doing their own things. I am often alone with my thoughts when they are here. Erin and family will provide a good diversion and good company for me.
Well the more I "write" the more foolish I feel but this is the truth. I know it will go ok but I'm surprised by the feelings that have been occuring this week prior to Janets leaving. I can hear people thinking, "geez put your big boy pants on". I have an easy time slipping into "shame mode" since at my age staying alone should not be a problem. I guess it isn't a problem its just unfamiliar.
Its amazing how ones mind wonders about things. This will be no problem and my thoughts and feelings are just that; neither good nor bad... they just are. In the meantime I have my plan to access my support people if needed and using my bag of tricks. All is well and I have faith that it will continue.
Well thanks for "listening" it has been good to write today.
Typos and all . . . God Bless You!
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can't wait to see you and bring you your gift!
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