Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Have You Gone Mental? (90)

It has sure turned into a long journey. When I sat down to do my taxes I was struck by the length of time I have been out of commission. It seems like years, but I know its not. I am feeling a lot better lately as I have learned to manage my symptoms to a greater degree. I have been a lot more optimistic about my life in general and my future specifically.

I have been through a lot of medications and a lot of weekly therapy (I'm still in weekly counseling). I have been exposed to DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and have found its principles very helpful. My support "team" is strong and I am seeing more time between conversations. They (my support team), too, have seen the changes I am experiencing. They say I sound and look so much better than I did a year ago. I hope to successfully be able to take the steps to find work. I'm pretty bored acting the house husband. Although there is plenty to do around here, I'd rather be out in the community more.

I am doing some volunteer work tomorrow night through my Rotary Club. We will be working at a dinner given for the needy in Camas ... cleaning up afterwards. It takes about an hour, and it is so satisfying. So much of my adult life has been involved with volunteer work, I am happy to be "back in the saddle" at least to an extent... giving back to the community.

Depression and anxiety are still troublesome, but no longer immobilizing. I am using the whole store of my bag of tricks and it seems to be working more often. I will continue to involve myself in my Rotary Club attending meetings and doing volunteer projects. I know I am not completely out of the woods, but I am beginning to see the trees in spite of the forest on my good days.

I know this is a real departure for me... talking about victory rather than defeat, but I am sincerely beginning to feel it more of the time. The last several weeks have seen several positive changes in my emotions. Its like someone found the light switch and turned it on so I could see. I know this sounds tremendously optimistic but I decided to go ahead and feel the good feelings to the extent I have felt the bad ones.

I hope that my life will begin to take shape along more "normal" lines, but more so along more healthy lines. This is now a spiritual battle and I have faith that I will, with Gods help, prevail over depression-anxiety.

I am happy I am feeling like going back to the gym, generally eating better, and taking care of my physical body which greatly helps my mental health. Its great to once again feel the "iron" in my hands as I lift weights and start feeling more healthy. Lifting is one of favorite things. After a year off I am now feeling more and more like getting into the gym most mornings.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I work my way through and hopefully out of the "muck" as the days go by. I am realistic. I am no stranger to the ugly feelngs that come. I will need not to "drop my guard" so to speak. I am more confident than ever that I am slowly... slowly turning a corner in my life. I am praying to this end. This is how I am feeling today and as I love to say ... "I have my ups and downs."

Typos and all ... God Bless You.

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