Friday, January 28, 2011

Have You Gone Mental (84)

The past two days have been dark ones for me. The depression hitting hard and staying ... and staying ... and did I say staying? It felt as though I've been pursued by something that continued to bring depression to the forefront. I hate to think of it in this way, but it best descibes it. I've said earlier in the blog that I sometimes believe depression and anxiety have a mind of their own. The mind of depression certainly made its frighteninig move through my spirit the last 48 hours.

I have have been having very troubling urges toward suicide; like I have not had for months. The ideation lies beneath the surface regularly, but this time it was an urge toward full-blown suicide. Little lethality, but an urge.

I prayed "all day" as appropriate and then tonight I lit a candle. I sat before the candle in contemplation, I used "Savior as my "sacred mantra and sat in silent contrmlation. Having just finished this 45 minutes I can report the urges have been reduced.

I don't know if this sort of thing would work for others, but it was literally a "God send" for me today. Jesus was my companion through the contemplative exercise and I was rewarded with peace. This was my experience.

Typos and all ... God Bless You.

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