Yesterday was a difficult day when I attended the memorial service for my friend. It caused an evaluation of my own life. He was praised through multiple testimonies and stories. Most all touched and resonated with me in some way.
This caused me to wonder, "what is a life "well lived?" How can a person with mental illness of any ilk to grow and change to the point that they are remembered in the ways my friend was.
All my life is full except a job. That doesn't take me where I want to be. Yes, profession plays a part, but there are so many ways to meke a life count for something. Going through depresion-anxiety I have often wondered if I would ever be "better" and become the person God so desparately wants me to be. I believe this trial will strengthen me in the long run. I am beginning to notice days when I feel pretty good along with the days that feel I am standing at the door of hell.
I will not give up on becoming a productive member of the human family. I will rise again whether it takes one year or five years. I found so many more at the memorial service yesterday who are praying for me and sending positive thoghts my way it way. It overwhelming. Thanks to God! I will one day return to a life that is less stressful and I will, by the grace of God, oversome the illness what has gripped me for over a year now.
So thank you Mary, Kit, Suzanne, and Chris for expressing your love and caring to me yesterday. You are precious. It is my dedication and the prayers of the people that will help me overcome this painful disease. I need the grace to "never give up." That is my prayer and commitment.
So many times, it is so painful thal I just want out. Many of you can identify with that feeling. So many times I wish I could be instantaneously healed or just "check out" through suicide, all these feelings have greatly decreased through my couneling and meditation.
That morbitity aside I want to live and live life to the "full". Thank you to all whose prayers and kindnesses have brought me this far. I love you in a special way.
Typose and all ... God Bless You