Friday, March 18, 2011

Have You Gone Mental (100)

The hospital stay was only the beginning of my hospital experience. I was referred to the Providence Day Treatment Center in Portland. As my anxiety and depression continued to "rage" I entered this program with great apprehension.
I was extremely anxious about going. Janet drove me there for the first three weeks. I did group and individual therapy, therapeutic art, and ate a "not-so-tasty lunch each day. I made some great acquaintances there during my stay with a whole range of problems. When I heard some of them it seemed mine were slight.

My suicidal ideation continued. Every day I awoke anxious and then the depression set in. I was feeing pretty hopeless for the first few weeks. I then found some hope through the mindfulness meditation I learned there. It helped me, in a small way to combat my depression.

When my three weeks had ended I was referred to a less intensive program that was still all day, but for those who were moving on in their recovery. I'm not sure I belonged in that program. I still felt the emotions I had been
feeling, but maybe not as deeply. I was asked to attend 3 days each week for groups and individual therapy and the food.

I had begun therapy on the "outside" with my psychologist which continues to the present. I had a prescriber of medication all along. When my insurance ran out I had to leave the Providence Program and see my therapist and my prescriber only. They gave me a tremendous break on the cost. This has turned out to be ok. I applied for a mental health disability and was denied on my first attempt. I knew I was in no shape to work, although I was in denial of this. I didn't want to be useless ...

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