Saturday, August 28, 2010

Have you gone Mental (V)

Some days are diamond, some days are stone
Some times the hard times won't leave me alone
Some times the hard times put a chill in my bones
Some days are diamond, some days are stone. (John Denver)

The words came to me about six months ago. Its an old song, a love song. It is a song that describes the ups and downs of a person who has experienced the loss of love.

I, during this difficult time, have never experienced a loss of love but certainly have experienced the loss of mental health. Diamond days are those days when my anxiety and depression abate for periods of time during the day. The days of stone are those in which my cycle of emotions are decidedly negative and painful. These days are in the majority. Stone? Between a rock and a hard place...

Days of stone are physically painful times. Hard times when my chest is tight, my breathing is rapid, and my stomach is in knots. They are chilly times when even the warmth of the love of friends and family do not provide their warmth in my heart or soul.

But nevertheless, some days are diamond, some days are stone. I love the diamond days. I despise the stone.

Mental illness is like this; especially when it comes on and stays, and stays, and stays (like the in-laws). The depression, then the anxiety. Back to depression and then anxiety may join for the double "whammy" as they say. Does this sound impossible? It is not. Although depression and anxiety seem to be on either end of the teeter-totter; when they meet in the middle, as the teeter-totter seems to be in equal balance, the experience can be very painful and immobilizing. Those of you who have experienced the tag team of depression and anxiety know how this works. Depresson or anxiety can be distressing by themselves. Put the two together and disability results.

I sincerely thank you for your ongoing support, love and prayers,,,

May God bless and heal you.

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