Today's entrée was mainly depression. I had a good day with Erin and her family but the undercurrent remained. My son is pretty sick today. He has a bad cold and fever and, as happens when he is this ill: high blood sugars and keytones in his urine.
I love Jeff to the extreme. When he hurts I hurt. Today was one of those days. I tried my best to act "normal" for the family. I began to feel flu-ish and have not felt good much of the day. But enough whining. I'd still like your prayers for my son Jeff.
I have felt the depression and frustration with it. I have tried to just let it happen and observe how I handle it... kind of like an outside observer. Sound weird? Well it kind of felt weird.
I continue to work on my spirituality this evening as I treat my son's keytones and high blood sugar. I test him again at 12:30 AM. I've been praying and meditating, holding my son foremost in my mind and asking God to send healing to his body. Before I give you the idea that I am a snake handling fundamentalist, let me say I do believe in prayer and sending God's healing energy to people. I do this for family and friends as well as people I see suffering anywhere I go.
I guess I need to hold myself up in prayer more often for my own depression-anxiety. I do this but need to concentrate more effectively. I hope to one day minimize the depression-anxiety cycle; those ups and downs that occur almost daily.
I feel like I should be a lot further in my healing sometimes. This feeling is shame based so I am continuing making it a habit to NOT give energy to it. Being imperfect, this is impossible, yet it is my goal. I set about to acknowledge my depression - anxiety, accept it is there, but not dwell on it. A verse from the Christian Apostle Paul says, "You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best not the worst; the beautiful not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (The Epistle to the Philippians, Chapter 4)
This one of my favorite writings. My struggle is to bring it to pass in my own life. It is my goal and what I believe will be part of healing of my depression-anxiety. If you too suffer, it may be helpful to you.
You must be ready for an end to my ramblings for today. So, be kind to yourselves and those around you.
Typos and all ... God bless you!