Depression has been my lot the past couple of days. This time it went deep ... dark thoughts. I was feeling like a loser. I have been hopeless and helpless, or so it seems. I had 8 hours of sleep last night after finishing my evening reading "A little book on prayer" Brenda and Jim. My sleep was pretty peaceful, except for a weird dream or two.
Has depression ever hit you like that? Has the darkness of your thinking ever said, "I don't want to do this anymore?" Well Im afraid that's what its been like, even on the Lord's day. I did something I love when I took my son out to breaakfast this morning, it felt good to be out, pretending I had ther money to do it. Then guilt set in.
Church gave me a lot of encouragement this morning. Singing and listening to my Pastor was good for me. I talked to Janet for a bit (she is still in Colfax visiting our new grandchild and helping Beth with her two little boys and the baby. It was hard for her to focus, but I knew (and had agreed)her helping there was paramount and there was no good place for her to talk. She gave some encouraging words, and once again I was encouraged.
I am now home. Kind of numb. Depression is underlying. Football is on thanks to Jeffrey. It gets monotonous after a while but it is mindless enough and rarely distracts me, so I will set about to finish that little book. Considering I have my class tonight at church I'll make it through again and hopefully spiritually strive.
Oh Lord, protect me from those "darkest of thoughts."
Typos and all ... God bless you.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Have you gone Mental? (LVIII)
I've been feeling some pretty signifiant anxiety today, It is not tied to a specific event or anticipation of anything. It is a sense of dread, if I had to name it. I don't remember this serious of an episode since the earliest days of this depression-anxiety "jag" Ive been on.
I've reached into my bag of tricks and used a couple of the ones marked "anxiety". It was a half-hearted effort I'm afraid. I've taken an extra dose of my anti-anxity medication. I've talked to a couple of members of my support team. It felt good to talk to them at the time, but as soon as the visit was over (within 1/2 hour) the feeling remained.
This is how some anxiety episdes are, aren't they. We can't put our finger on their origin or why they seem so strong and drawn out. That is the "hell" of it. Actually either emotion (depression-anxiety) can virtually "body slam" us with no, or very little, warning.
I need to say, I hate this. It feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the first one hasn't dropped yet! This time it feels like I am emotionally anticipating "something"; its actually not like something has happened and I'm waiting for something else to happen. It is like this sometimes for me. I cannot gain clarity on what is going on. Like I said, this has happened before. Still I wish I could put a finger on it.
The strange thing about anxiety is that one of its properties is that many times we CAN'T put our finger on its origin. I have often imagined that there is a little guy in my head who is standing at the controls of my emotions. Like a one-armed bandit in Vegas this little dude just pulls the handle, the emotions scramble, three sevens appear on the screen and the bells begin to ring and the lights begin to flash for this evil little guy. The result is that I begin to experience in this case) anxiety.
You're never going to read my blog again are you? You're probably answering the title of the blog, "yes, you HAVE gone mental!"
This is an illustration for me... a way to think about my emotional upset. I really don't believe in the evil little guy in my head, really I don't! I do think of Saint Paul's words: Taking every thought capive to Jesus." This is probably meaningless to many of you and I still can't totally wrap my mind around it. I think it is saying that it is God will, for our own good, that we capture our thoughts, by answering them before they turn to difficult and harmful emtions.
This assumes our emotions are the result of our thoughts. If so I would say that this includes our "unconscious" thoughts, as well as our conscious thoughts.
I think I believe this. The theory is that our thoughts result in our in feelings and our feelings bring about our behavior.
If this the case, the affirmation pocket of our bag of tricks should become our first acivity when we feel depression-anxiety coming on. If so, that is where my self-soothing intervention fell short. I did the deep breathing (body) but neglected speaking the affirmations to myself (mind). Would this hve prevented or lessened my anxiety and sense of dread? Maybe. I don't know, but its worth a try next time or even now.
This may work. I'm glad we had this talk!
Typo and all . . . God bless you.
I've reached into my bag of tricks and used a couple of the ones marked "anxiety". It was a half-hearted effort I'm afraid. I've taken an extra dose of my anti-anxity medication. I've talked to a couple of members of my support team. It felt good to talk to them at the time, but as soon as the visit was over (within 1/2 hour) the feeling remained.
This is how some anxiety episdes are, aren't they. We can't put our finger on their origin or why they seem so strong and drawn out. That is the "hell" of it. Actually either emotion (depression-anxiety) can virtually "body slam" us with no, or very little, warning.
I need to say, I hate this. It feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the first one hasn't dropped yet! This time it feels like I am emotionally anticipating "something"; its actually not like something has happened and I'm waiting for something else to happen. It is like this sometimes for me. I cannot gain clarity on what is going on. Like I said, this has happened before. Still I wish I could put a finger on it.
The strange thing about anxiety is that one of its properties is that many times we CAN'T put our finger on its origin. I have often imagined that there is a little guy in my head who is standing at the controls of my emotions. Like a one-armed bandit in Vegas this little dude just pulls the handle, the emotions scramble, three sevens appear on the screen and the bells begin to ring and the lights begin to flash for this evil little guy. The result is that I begin to experience in this case) anxiety.
You're never going to read my blog again are you? You're probably answering the title of the blog, "yes, you HAVE gone mental!"
This is an illustration for me... a way to think about my emotional upset. I really don't believe in the evil little guy in my head, really I don't! I do think of Saint Paul's words: Taking every thought capive to Jesus." This is probably meaningless to many of you and I still can't totally wrap my mind around it. I think it is saying that it is God will, for our own good, that we capture our thoughts, by answering them before they turn to difficult and harmful emtions.
This assumes our emotions are the result of our thoughts. If so I would say that this includes our "unconscious" thoughts, as well as our conscious thoughts.
I think I believe this. The theory is that our thoughts result in our in feelings and our feelings bring about our behavior.
If this the case, the affirmation pocket of our bag of tricks should become our first acivity when we feel depression-anxiety coming on. If so, that is where my self-soothing intervention fell short. I did the deep breathing (body) but neglected speaking the affirmations to myself (mind). Would this hve prevented or lessened my anxiety and sense of dread? Maybe. I don't know, but its worth a try next time or even now.
This may work. I'm glad we had this talk!
Typo and all . . . God bless you.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Hae you gone Mental (LVI)
Things take on a different hue when things in our lives change. For me, at least, routine is important at this time in my life. I feel like I'm compulsive or ob- sessive or something like that. I depend on things being as they are to reduce my susceptibility to depression-anxiety. I'm speaking, now, of relationship proximity. Even though the "change" may be positive for me and the other person I find myself fearful and unsure of the outcome at times..
Janet drove to Colfax, Washington to visit our daughter and meet our new grandchild. Beth needs a little help already having two small boys in her home. Blake goes to school all day but Phoenix (not nearly kindergarted age) is a little pistol and demands a lot of attention and TLC. Janet is splitting her time between TLC and loving up on the new girl in the house.
I remember a time when having my wife gone for more than a few hours at a time kept me totally immobilized...depression and anxiety deepened and I was, generally, a basket case, sitting in my chair with my blanket watching TV and using my newly developing bag of tricks. Although I can feel the basket hovering over my little bald head it has not dropped yet and I do not expect it to. Whereas there are many other things that may "basketize me" for periods of time, this almost childlike dependence on my wife has dissipated tremendously ov er the past 10 months.
I can still feel the absence, though. She has been a true rock in my recovery and has loaned me some of her strength to make it as far as I have. We all probably have people in our lives like this; a spouse, a partner, a sister, brother, or friend. When there is not ready personal access to them anxiety sets in. We have become dependent (over-dependent?) on them. Don't get me wrong. The state of our recovery cannot be measured by our dimished need for people. That is, in part, what got us into this mess... not having a true confidant with whom to share our deepest thought and feelings on a regular basis. I know I isolated myself and this, added to brain chemistry, circumstances, and who knows what else plunged me into this hellish abyss.
My advice? I don't give advice. I don't tell people what to do. This I know. The person with whom we share everything is necessary to our lives and recovery from depression-anxiety. When they go away (even seven hours away) and the time away is going to be "lengthy" (only six days)our equilibrium can be set on its ear. Look at me, she has only been gone since I wished her a safe trip at 5:30 this morning and I feel something is missing ... her presence and wisdom. This is different than a statement of puppy love, it speaks of a relationship that has become more important over the last 10 months than ever before. It is a lifeline for me and I hope to her.
Although she will be back Monday night I will talk daily to her and probably access the others on my support team to try (in vain) to take up the slack. The boys are here, Mom is here. Although there is no lack of things to do as a distraction, nothing takes the place of our primary support person when we need them.
I need also to say that having this time apart is a good for her in many ways and good for me in one: learning to live in a positive, healthy manner without ready physical access to my prime supporter. There is sense in which I feel like a child learning to walk. This a good first step for me. I know all will be fine and she will return happy and refreshed from a different atmosphere and from being an upclose and personal grandma to the three kids. I am glad for her and glad for the growth it will stimulate in me.
Please don't think of this as something pathetic in your life. This is real life stuff we experience and grow from. Thanks for reading.
Tpos and all . . . God bless you.
Janet drove to Colfax, Washington to visit our daughter and meet our new grandchild. Beth needs a little help already having two small boys in her home. Blake goes to school all day but Phoenix (not nearly kindergarted age) is a little pistol and demands a lot of attention and TLC. Janet is splitting her time between TLC and loving up on the new girl in the house.
I remember a time when having my wife gone for more than a few hours at a time kept me totally immobilized...depression and anxiety deepened and I was, generally, a basket case, sitting in my chair with my blanket watching TV and using my newly developing bag of tricks. Although I can feel the basket hovering over my little bald head it has not dropped yet and I do not expect it to. Whereas there are many other things that may "basketize me" for periods of time, this almost childlike dependence on my wife has dissipated tremendously ov er the past 10 months.
I can still feel the absence, though. She has been a true rock in my recovery and has loaned me some of her strength to make it as far as I have. We all probably have people in our lives like this; a spouse, a partner, a sister, brother, or friend. When there is not ready personal access to them anxiety sets in. We have become dependent (over-dependent?) on them. Don't get me wrong. The state of our recovery cannot be measured by our dimished need for people. That is, in part, what got us into this mess... not having a true confidant with whom to share our deepest thought and feelings on a regular basis. I know I isolated myself and this, added to brain chemistry, circumstances, and who knows what else plunged me into this hellish abyss.
My advice? I don't give advice. I don't tell people what to do. This I know. The person with whom we share everything is necessary to our lives and recovery from depression-anxiety. When they go away (even seven hours away) and the time away is going to be "lengthy" (only six days)our equilibrium can be set on its ear. Look at me, she has only been gone since I wished her a safe trip at 5:30 this morning and I feel something is missing ... her presence and wisdom. This is different than a statement of puppy love, it speaks of a relationship that has become more important over the last 10 months than ever before. It is a lifeline for me and I hope to her.
Although she will be back Monday night I will talk daily to her and probably access the others on my support team to try (in vain) to take up the slack. The boys are here, Mom is here. Although there is no lack of things to do as a distraction, nothing takes the place of our primary support person when we need them.
I need also to say that having this time apart is a good for her in many ways and good for me in one: learning to live in a positive, healthy manner without ready physical access to my prime supporter. There is sense in which I feel like a child learning to walk. This a good first step for me. I know all will be fine and she will return happy and refreshed from a different atmosphere and from being an upclose and personal grandma to the three kids. I am glad for her and glad for the growth it will stimulate in me.
Please don't think of this as something pathetic in your life. This is real life stuff we experience and grow from. Thanks for reading.
Tpos and all . . . God bless you.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Have you gone Mental? (LV)
Drama. We've all been caught up in it from time to time. He said, she said. "Did you hear..." "What if?" and so on.
Those of us in recovery from depression-anxiety should stay away from drama. Much drama runs along the LINE of truth but tend to slip over the divide fairly easily if it will make the story more sumptuous. What we need to know is this: DRAMA IS A DISTRACTION THAT IS DANGEROUS for us.
There was a man who lived about 2,000 years ago who said, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no". In otherwords, set boundaries... be clear... Avoid drama like the plague because that is exactly what it is. It drains us of energy and sidetracks our recovery. Drama stimulates our depression and anxiety like nothing else when we get involved with it.
The best way to avoid drama is to stay away from involvement in gossip. Set this boundary firmly: "I will not talk about any one else." When they come with a good "did you hear?", say, "I dont want to hear this". The dramatic is scintellating (sp?), it can draw us in very easily. After all, if we get involved, won't we will be able to help the people involved? Very unlikely.
Picture yourself standing on a table. A Drama Queen or a Drama King enters the room with a juicy tidbit. You'd like to help them out of the "quagmire". You reach down to help them up out of the "quicksand". You begin to pull with all your might. What happens? They drag you down off the table with minimal energy. Try it in reality ... the person below ALWAYS pulls the person above down. You then enter the quicksand, too! The relative emotions: You suffer immediate depression and anxiety as a result of your involvement. They become more and more excited because they have aquired another person as a partner in their dramatic interlude. For the recovering person this is unhealthy and stupid (sorry).
Gossip and talking about people is the lowest form of communication. It does nothing but bring harm to the person who is the subject of the talk. That is its bottom line objective. Once again, keep this boundary firm and clear. "I will talk TO someone about a problem that may affect me, but I will NOT talk about a person in any negative manner.
The principle of avoidance as a strategy from our bag of tricks is a pretty good one when needed. Avoidance should be engagement in a healthy activity such as listening to music, yard work, reading, time with a healthy friend, and the like. It is NOT some drama that draws its strength from half truths or lies and is fueled by the negative (and hurt) feelings of others.
Can you hear this? It takes a degree of maturity to leave these things alone. As my theology professor said, "A WORD to the WISE is sufficient".
I'll let a man with a low IQ but tremendous wisdom (Forrest Gump) finish tonight's blog...
"That's all I have to say about that."
Typos and all . . . God Bless you.
Those of us in recovery from depression-anxiety should stay away from drama. Much drama runs along the LINE of truth but tend to slip over the divide fairly easily if it will make the story more sumptuous. What we need to know is this: DRAMA IS A DISTRACTION THAT IS DANGEROUS for us.
There was a man who lived about 2,000 years ago who said, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no". In otherwords, set boundaries... be clear... Avoid drama like the plague because that is exactly what it is. It drains us of energy and sidetracks our recovery. Drama stimulates our depression and anxiety like nothing else when we get involved with it.
The best way to avoid drama is to stay away from involvement in gossip. Set this boundary firmly: "I will not talk about any one else." When they come with a good "did you hear?", say, "I dont want to hear this". The dramatic is scintellating (sp?), it can draw us in very easily. After all, if we get involved, won't we will be able to help the people involved? Very unlikely.
Picture yourself standing on a table. A Drama Queen or a Drama King enters the room with a juicy tidbit. You'd like to help them out of the "quagmire". You reach down to help them up out of the "quicksand". You begin to pull with all your might. What happens? They drag you down off the table with minimal energy. Try it in reality ... the person below ALWAYS pulls the person above down. You then enter the quicksand, too! The relative emotions: You suffer immediate depression and anxiety as a result of your involvement. They become more and more excited because they have aquired another person as a partner in their dramatic interlude. For the recovering person this is unhealthy and stupid (sorry).
Gossip and talking about people is the lowest form of communication. It does nothing but bring harm to the person who is the subject of the talk. That is its bottom line objective. Once again, keep this boundary firm and clear. "I will talk TO someone about a problem that may affect me, but I will NOT talk about a person in any negative manner.
The principle of avoidance as a strategy from our bag of tricks is a pretty good one when needed. Avoidance should be engagement in a healthy activity such as listening to music, yard work, reading, time with a healthy friend, and the like. It is NOT some drama that draws its strength from half truths or lies and is fueled by the negative (and hurt) feelings of others.
Can you hear this? It takes a degree of maturity to leave these things alone. As my theology professor said, "A WORD to the WISE is sufficient".
I'll let a man with a low IQ but tremendous wisdom (Forrest Gump) finish tonight's blog...
"That's all I have to say about that."
Typos and all . . . God Bless you.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Have you gone Mental? (LIV)
It is Sunday, "the Lords Day". As a Christian this is the day when I take 1 1/2 hours to worship and to learn more about my life as a believer. This in addition to daily medication/contemplation.
This is an important time of meeting with my faith community to engage in fellowship, gain support, give support, receieve teaching from the Bible, and plan outreach to their community. This has become a very important part of my recovery.
One does not have to attend Church to be a Christian. The disturbing thing is that many of those who spurn "church" in order to call themselves "spiritual may not take the time each week in a community experience that brings them "closer" to God. The concept of church from the beginning has been an opportunity to gather with those of like faith to discuss higher power, experience fellowship, and plan outreach to their commnity.
Spitiuality is a popular concept these days. Christians believe that spirituality grows out a community experience. Spiritual experience is based on a commuity of "believers". It was never meant to be an individual, isolative entity that substitutes for a true spiritual experience.
Many among my Christian friends stand alone and do not gather with others on a regular basis to discuss their common faith. They believe church is unnecessary, this puts them in the company of those who reject the teaching of Jesus Christ.
My thought is spirituality cannot (in the long haul) exist apart from being involved in a "faith community". Spirituality recognizes a relationship with the spirit; and is an important CHRISTIAN beief. Those who say "I am spiritual" mean that they are not a part of any organized religion. In fact is it also an excuse to avoid going to church. Like I said, one does not need to attend church or follow any religion to be a Christian OR spiritual. The other side states that the Bible is full of contridictions and so Christinity is fallable. Christinity IS fallable (just like every religion) AND they believe that the Bible is the resource for faith and practice of our faith.
It is alarming to me the number of "Christians" who reject church as a valuable part of their lives. Attending church has been a mainstay for me for many years. Not just showing up, but being an encouragment to others and receiving help from others in my life, as I mentioned. The key of spirituality is being present to others. Somtimes the key to spiituality is to place service above self.
Christians are called to place faith in Jesus so we can be spiritual as part of a faith commuity. If one searches the pages of he Bible, one will be hard pressed to find a Chritian who is isolaed from a faith community.
Those who are separate from a faith ommmuity usually do not want to be a part of orginaed "religion", have been hurt by someone who is part of a faith community, and/or do not want to be held to any Christtian beliefs, and downright laziness.
On this Lord's day, re-consider the importance of a healthy faith community for your
"home base". This will provide a foundation of your spiritually. One can be spiritual and be part of a faith community. I would ask you to consider it whether you call yourself a Chrisian or not. Research and try out some faith commuitiuies. I prefer the small faith commuity. We have but 15 to 20 poeple who connect with one another each week. We pay our Pastor a small salary, pay rent in a store front business office building and say: we feature "hurch, but not as you remember it. We even hestate to call ourselves a church and prefer to refer to ourseves as the Fresh Faith Commity"
This IS an advertisement. NOT for the Fresh Faith Commuinty, but for you to consider becoming involved in a faith commuity whatever that may be. This will provide teaching, fellowship, and the constant opportunity to connect with others.
This works well for me. It is a positive thing to do and add to your bag of tricks. Give it a try!
Typos and all . . . God Bless you.
This is an important time of meeting with my faith community to engage in fellowship, gain support, give support, receieve teaching from the Bible, and plan outreach to their community. This has become a very important part of my recovery.
One does not have to attend Church to be a Christian. The disturbing thing is that many of those who spurn "church" in order to call themselves "spiritual may not take the time each week in a community experience that brings them "closer" to God. The concept of church from the beginning has been an opportunity to gather with those of like faith to discuss higher power, experience fellowship, and plan outreach to their commnity.
Spitiuality is a popular concept these days. Christians believe that spirituality grows out a community experience. Spiritual experience is based on a commuity of "believers". It was never meant to be an individual, isolative entity that substitutes for a true spiritual experience.
Many among my Christian friends stand alone and do not gather with others on a regular basis to discuss their common faith. They believe church is unnecessary, this puts them in the company of those who reject the teaching of Jesus Christ.
My thought is spirituality cannot (in the long haul) exist apart from being involved in a "faith community". Spirituality recognizes a relationship with the spirit; and is an important CHRISTIAN beief. Those who say "I am spiritual" mean that they are not a part of any organized religion. In fact is it also an excuse to avoid going to church. Like I said, one does not need to attend church or follow any religion to be a Christian OR spiritual. The other side states that the Bible is full of contridictions and so Christinity is fallable. Christinity IS fallable (just like every religion) AND they believe that the Bible is the resource for faith and practice of our faith.
It is alarming to me the number of "Christians" who reject church as a valuable part of their lives. Attending church has been a mainstay for me for many years. Not just showing up, but being an encouragment to others and receiving help from others in my life, as I mentioned. The key of spirituality is being present to others. Somtimes the key to spiituality is to place service above self.
Christians are called to place faith in Jesus so we can be spiritual as part of a faith commuity. If one searches the pages of he Bible, one will be hard pressed to find a Chritian who is isolaed from a faith community.
Those who are separate from a faith ommmuity usually do not want to be a part of orginaed "religion", have been hurt by someone who is part of a faith community, and/or do not want to be held to any Christtian beliefs, and downright laziness.
On this Lord's day, re-consider the importance of a healthy faith community for your
"home base". This will provide a foundation of your spiritually. One can be spiritual and be part of a faith community. I would ask you to consider it whether you call yourself a Chrisian or not. Research and try out some faith commuitiuies. I prefer the small faith commuity. We have but 15 to 20 poeple who connect with one another each week. We pay our Pastor a small salary, pay rent in a store front business office building and say: we feature "hurch, but not as you remember it. We even hestate to call ourselves a church and prefer to refer to ourseves as the Fresh Faith Commity"
This IS an advertisement. NOT for the Fresh Faith Commuinty, but for you to consider becoming involved in a faith commuity whatever that may be. This will provide teaching, fellowship, and the constant opportunity to connect with others.
This works well for me. It is a positive thing to do and add to your bag of tricks. Give it a try!
Typos and all . . . God Bless you.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Have you gone Mental? (LIII)
There are a variety of emotions involved as one tries to heal from any mental illness. When depression-anxiety is the disorder from which we suffer there are several. For example: Depresson, Shame, Anger, Fear, Agitation, Self-Harm urges, Anxiety, and Guilt. You may view this as the "short list".
How do you approach these difficult emotions? What skills can we bring into play? One is a form of meditation called "following your breath". Concentrate on your breath as you breathe in and out. Let noises and distortions go without concentrating on them. Do not force things out of your mind, just "allow" them to come and go as you follow your breathe.
Another is called "self-observance". When we experience an emotion like those listed above we can feel it and name it. Eg. "I'm feeling depessed now, I feel sad and like I need to eat something (eg.) to make myself feel better.) Think about how depression affects you, such as "when I"m depressed I feel self-destructive, or hopeless, or helpless (whatever fits). OBSERVE yourself.
A third skill is "acceptance and allowing". Our feelings are neither good or bad, they just "are". What gives them their character is what we do with them. What do you do when you feel anger? Do you want to hurt some in some way? Do you want to talk the problem out? Do you wish to think about it during a "time out" and then return to the conversation later (delay your response)? Which response is most like you? First accept and allow: I'm mad, angry, pissed off, irritated, furious. What should I do? The best answer is "DELAY your response. It is rarely profitable to just react. This usually turns the outcome to the negative side. I think of reaction as impulsive and immediate. I think of response as thought out and taking time to cool down. In most cases response is key in handling difficult emotions.
A fourth and final skill I'[d like to discuss is called "Self-Soothing". This skill involves thinking about what healthy activity or thinking will help me feel better. For me it is, usually, one of the following: 1) Following my breath; 2) Taking a Walk; 3) Calling a Friend; 4) Involving myself in a hobby (weightlifting, reading) or 5) Writing feelings in my journal.These are my top five self-soothing behaviors. You may have others.
It is important to have a game plan in mind for when difficult emotions come up for us. Its good to have a few to choose from. I'm glad I have developed several, including the five mentioned above. I wanted to share these with you to encourage you on your road to recovery from depression-anxiety. Discover what works for you.
I hope your weekend began on a good note tonight. Thanks for reading.
Typos and all ... God bless you.
How do you approach these difficult emotions? What skills can we bring into play? One is a form of meditation called "following your breath". Concentrate on your breath as you breathe in and out. Let noises and distortions go without concentrating on them. Do not force things out of your mind, just "allow" them to come and go as you follow your breathe.
Another is called "self-observance". When we experience an emotion like those listed above we can feel it and name it. Eg. "I'm feeling depessed now, I feel sad and like I need to eat something (eg.) to make myself feel better.) Think about how depression affects you, such as "when I"m depressed I feel self-destructive, or hopeless, or helpless (whatever fits). OBSERVE yourself.
A third skill is "acceptance and allowing". Our feelings are neither good or bad, they just "are". What gives them their character is what we do with them. What do you do when you feel anger? Do you want to hurt some in some way? Do you want to talk the problem out? Do you wish to think about it during a "time out" and then return to the conversation later (delay your response)? Which response is most like you? First accept and allow: I'm mad, angry, pissed off, irritated, furious. What should I do? The best answer is "DELAY your response. It is rarely profitable to just react. This usually turns the outcome to the negative side. I think of reaction as impulsive and immediate. I think of response as thought out and taking time to cool down. In most cases response is key in handling difficult emotions.
A fourth and final skill I'[d like to discuss is called "Self-Soothing". This skill involves thinking about what healthy activity or thinking will help me feel better. For me it is, usually, one of the following: 1) Following my breath; 2) Taking a Walk; 3) Calling a Friend; 4) Involving myself in a hobby (weightlifting, reading) or 5) Writing feelings in my journal.These are my top five self-soothing behaviors. You may have others.
It is important to have a game plan in mind for when difficult emotions come up for us. Its good to have a few to choose from. I'm glad I have developed several, including the five mentioned above. I wanted to share these with you to encourage you on your road to recovery from depression-anxiety. Discover what works for you.
I hope your weekend began on a good note tonight. Thanks for reading.
Typos and all ... God bless you.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Have you gone Mental (LII)
Have you ever felt like you do not contribute to your household? I often believe that about myself. Depression and anxiety close in and "withdrawing" is often the effect. It seems like I just want to curl up in my easy chair or engage in frenetic activity (cleaning, eating, etc.)around the house to try to self-medicate.
I hate the negative, self-deprecating feelings that arise so often. I know, in my head, that I make some contribution in my house work and being there emotionally for my son. The fact that I am not able to work now is often where my negative self-talk arises. I come from a household with a very strong work ethic. No matter how sick my Father was, he never missed a day of work. "I'll feel the same whether I stay home or go to work, so I'll go to work." This often kept me in a sea of guilt and shame whenever I missed work. It is amplified now that I am not engaged in gainful employment. I wonder what my Dad would say about it. I think, outwardly, he would be compassionate but inwardly wonder why I don't get up off my lazy a** and find a job.
I often wonder that myself when my mind runs amuck.
There are many ways to contribute to one's household that I needed to remember. My therapist called upon me to site several in my session with her today:
1. My presence in the home provides comfort and constancy to my children.
2. My mental illness has given my family the experience of supporting someone.
3. I do laundry, dishes, and cleaning.
4. I do little things for and encourage my wife in her work.
5. I model working toward healing as I use my bag of tricks to address my illness
That's about all I came up with, but it is "something"? What does your list look like, as you suffer from depression and anxiety? I am one who really gets down on himself and very easily. I need to almost fight to remember to use only positive talk. Sometimes I am successful. other times ...
Its difficult to believe in myself when I get this way. It kind of becomes a vicious circle. When I do not believe in myself, I feel like a slug (or worse) I then isolate myself from my support team and as a result I have another bout of not beleiving in myself. I don't know how well I've stated this, but I hope you get the idea. Believing in yourself and your potential is one of the basic skills you (I) need to practice.
Its really difficult because I know all this stuff. I worked as a counselor for over 25 years. In fact it is downright embarrassing to admit that I do much better helping others than I do helping myself. (Yes, people tell me that is normal.) I guess I don't want to be normal. I want to get well and get my life back but seem powerless to do so. I know this matches with the stories you tell about your experience.
I often wonder when I'll really get better and FEEL like I'm getting better. I get extremely depressed over this issue. Depression and anxiety are always with me, but it truly flares when I can look back on nearly 10 months of dealing with my illness and still can't see much progress. My wife is my greatest "reality checker" and can point out several areas in which I have improved. One is being able to drive myself. I went several months when due to my anxiety I needed to always ride "shotgun". Another example is being able to go to public places for short times and not have my anxiety keep me home. These are major. In terms of public places, I am always anxiety ridden but have chosen to act differently much of the time. I guess its one reason I keep my anti-anxiety medicine handy.
So there has been progress; I guess. I'm trying to believe this. Even though my disorders are always with me I am acting against them to try to grow in these areas.
Being a closet introvert probably doesn't help. Additionally in terms of driving I need to write down "where I'm going and why I am going there" in order to get errands done. I wonder how long this will go on. I ask your prayers for me. Sign on as a follower of my blog and I'll pray for you; whether or not you have depression-anxiety.
Typos and all . . . God bless you.
I hate the negative, self-deprecating feelings that arise so often. I know, in my head, that I make some contribution in my house work and being there emotionally for my son. The fact that I am not able to work now is often where my negative self-talk arises. I come from a household with a very strong work ethic. No matter how sick my Father was, he never missed a day of work. "I'll feel the same whether I stay home or go to work, so I'll go to work." This often kept me in a sea of guilt and shame whenever I missed work. It is amplified now that I am not engaged in gainful employment. I wonder what my Dad would say about it. I think, outwardly, he would be compassionate but inwardly wonder why I don't get up off my lazy a** and find a job.
I often wonder that myself when my mind runs amuck.
There are many ways to contribute to one's household that I needed to remember. My therapist called upon me to site several in my session with her today:
1. My presence in the home provides comfort and constancy to my children.
2. My mental illness has given my family the experience of supporting someone.
3. I do laundry, dishes, and cleaning.
4. I do little things for and encourage my wife in her work.
5. I model working toward healing as I use my bag of tricks to address my illness
That's about all I came up with, but it is "something"? What does your list look like, as you suffer from depression and anxiety? I am one who really gets down on himself and very easily. I need to almost fight to remember to use only positive talk. Sometimes I am successful. other times ...
Its difficult to believe in myself when I get this way. It kind of becomes a vicious circle. When I do not believe in myself, I feel like a slug (or worse) I then isolate myself from my support team and as a result I have another bout of not beleiving in myself. I don't know how well I've stated this, but I hope you get the idea. Believing in yourself and your potential is one of the basic skills you (I) need to practice.
Its really difficult because I know all this stuff. I worked as a counselor for over 25 years. In fact it is downright embarrassing to admit that I do much better helping others than I do helping myself. (Yes, people tell me that is normal.) I guess I don't want to be normal. I want to get well and get my life back but seem powerless to do so. I know this matches with the stories you tell about your experience.
I often wonder when I'll really get better and FEEL like I'm getting better. I get extremely depressed over this issue. Depression and anxiety are always with me, but it truly flares when I can look back on nearly 10 months of dealing with my illness and still can't see much progress. My wife is my greatest "reality checker" and can point out several areas in which I have improved. One is being able to drive myself. I went several months when due to my anxiety I needed to always ride "shotgun". Another example is being able to go to public places for short times and not have my anxiety keep me home. These are major. In terms of public places, I am always anxiety ridden but have chosen to act differently much of the time. I guess its one reason I keep my anti-anxiety medicine handy.
So there has been progress; I guess. I'm trying to believe this. Even though my disorders are always with me I am acting against them to try to grow in these areas.
Being a closet introvert probably doesn't help. Additionally in terms of driving I need to write down "where I'm going and why I am going there" in order to get errands done. I wonder how long this will go on. I ask your prayers for me. Sign on as a follower of my blog and I'll pray for you; whether or not you have depression-anxiety.
Typos and all . . . God bless you.
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